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Be Your Own Confidante

There are times I read something and every word hits home. Below was one of those reads. So I invited  CJ Blaquera to share her article. It’s from her Vitamin C series, which I LOVED.  What is busy costing you? Will you be your own confidante and start telling yourself the truth? Your sparkle depends on it. It’s time to stop the glorification of busy, lean in and hear what your heart has to say. I promise you, it’s juicy! Take it away, CJ…


We do so much to keep ourselves busy, distracted, deserving.
Busy seems good, industrious, useful.
It’s easier to justify your life when you’re busy.

In the absence of an actively aligned life, busy looks important and passes for meaningful.  Busy maintains appearances and attempts to keep the emptiness at bay.  Tired, busy’s bedfellow, does a good job of this, too.  You get by under the radar. No one questions you on the content or the why of your busy-ness, and who can blame you for being tired when you’ve been so dang busy!  There’s certainly no time to discuss whether what you’ve been busy with is important or relevant to your life goals.  You’ve got to keep busy, moving, doing, achieving.

Sometimes we’re afraid of what we’ll experience if we stop being so damn busy.  Will we:

  • feel the ache of self-doubt?
  • realize it’s time to step up and make a decision or take action?
  • realize that we feel empty but aren’t quite sure how to “fill” ourselves?
  • figure out that we don’t have a damn clue what our next step is?

If concerns and fears like these are lying below our hectic lives, busy is just doing its job: keeping us distracted from what we don’t want to see or hear.

Busy can also be a means to a different end.

We fill and often cram our workdays, calendars and off-duty hours with so much in a futile and misguided attempt to be good enough.  “Look how much I’m dong, busting my hump to get it all done.  Have I done enough to earn a gold star?  A pat on the head?  Some approval for goodness sake!  A morsel, at least?!”

Sometimes being busy is just evidence we’ve created in our effort to prove our limiting beliefs true.  For example, “Life is a grind” or “I don’t deserve to be happy” or “You have to sacrifice for your dreams” or “Nothing comes easy.”  Busy can be used to enforce and prove any of these painful thoughts.  Throw in tired, and you’re building a watertight case.

(BTW, your mind is always proving your beliefs true.  That’s what your mind does.  If you choose a better belief, you could be proving something better true.)

If you’re running from yourself and dizzy from distraction, be still and connect.

Be willing to be candid and tell yourself what you really think and how you really feel.  What you deserve is to have your own back and be your own confidante.

Grab a journal, take a long walk, find some quite time.  Make space for an honest dialogue with yourself. Have the courage to confide in yourself.

  • Tell yourself what you really want to do with your life.
  • Tell yourself how you really feel about your relationship.
  • Tell yourself whether overeating all those “comfort” foods really is comforting after about three minutes time.
  • Tell yourself the limiting beliefs you run into when you think about pursing your passions.

If you’re too afraid to stop being busy, tell yourself that. Tell yourself what you’re really afraid of. If you can’t stand the empty space of un-busy, tell yourself that. Be the compassionate and caring confidante you’ve always wanted.

When you stuff your life with a bunch of busy, you turn your back on yourself. When you won’t give yourself your own attention, you abandon yourself.

Come back to yourself. You need you.

Be your own confidante.

October 25th, 2012 | Write Comment | Category: Articles · Designing A Life That Sparkles


12 Questions to Kick-Start a Transformative 2012

It’s all around you… talk of New Year’s Resolutions, goal setting and ads for gym memberships and weight loss programs. If you are like me, you are still just catching your breath from Christmas hustle and bustle. Or maybe you are still in holiday mode. That’s awesome. Enjoy every moment!

I stopped making New Year’s Resolutions about five years ago. They seem to be all hype with no lasting sparkle. Yet I’m a huge fan of pausing to reflect, re-align and set some powerful intentions that fuel excitement. That’s how we move from being reactive to being creative in our lives.

(Notice that reactive and creative have the exact same letters yet deliver very different outcomes!)

Here are 12 insightful questions to kick-start a transformative 2012.

Grab a piece of paper or your journal and a quiet few moments to author your answers. Be sure to share your answers for a chance to win a 30-minute coaching session with me. See details below!

1. What were the top three highlights of 2011 and why?
Perhaps it was a trip, an accomplishment or just an exciting moment that shines above the rest.

2. What’s working in your life right now?
It’s so easy to focus on the negative, yet there’s so much good all around you.  So what’s working right now?

3. What was your greatest lesson in 2011?
With every disappointment or hurt, comes a lesson. What was yours?

4. Who do you want to be in 2012?
HINT: If two friends were talking about you and you were the fly on the wall, what roles, qualities and personality traits would you be thrilled to have them say about you?

Oh that <insert your name>, she is so ________.

5. If you could change one thing about your life right now, what would it be and why?
Write down the first thing that comes to mind. Just imagine what else would magically fall into place if you gave the time and attention to change this one thing.

6. What do you keep making excuses for and why?
This could be the same as #5 or different. What we make excuses for is something we really want to look at because there’s usually a huge limiting belief tied to those excuses. And once the belief is identified and replaced with a more empowering belief… look out!

7. What activity would you like to do more of in 2012? Less of? Stop?
It’s all about choice. And ideally, your weekly calendar reflects your passions.

8. Who are the people you want to spend more time with? Less time?
You can name specific people or just the characteristics in new people you want to attract more of (e.g. fun, honest, adventuresome)

9. What would you like to be different about your life by this time next year?
That is, what is the one thing that you would be ecstatic to have mastered or made major progress on?

10. What are you prepared to do about it?
This is where rubber meets the road. Knowing our desires, talking about them, and even saying pretty affirmations doesn’t manifest them without inspired action. So, what are you prepared to do to make change that sticks? Develop a plan? Carve out time each day to take action? Clear space in your home for that passion? Sign up for that class? For now, just identify the first step.

11. What are your greatest gifts and strengths?
Yes, you are a rock star in your life. What makes you so amazing? P.S. if you can’t answer this, ask your favourite friends. They can shower you with answers.

12. How can you use your strengths to help with the change in #10?
If you are a great planner, develop a fantastic plan. But don’t stop there. Then get a coach or accountability partner to help you on the follow through.  That is, play to your strengths and find others to help with things that aren’t your natural ability.

And a BONUS QUESTION:
What do you need to believe about yourself in order for that change to be yours? Mindset is a huge part of the game of life. HUGE!

I’d love to hear your responses.

Share your answers to five of the above questions in the comments below.  I’ll pick two lucky winners on January 4th to get a complimentary 30-minute coaching session with me!

Give yourself the gift of honest reflection. Truth opens doors to transformation. Action moves us through them. And belief? Well, belief gives us wings to fly!

Have an amazing start to the New Year!

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December 30th, 2011 | 7 Comments | Category: Articles · Designing A Life That Sparkles


7 Simple Tips for Wellness on the Road

I’m typing this from the Charlotte airport in North Carolina. I’ve just spent three days with business mentor Christine Kane at Uplevel U. What an expansive experience. I love when my heart and mind are stretched — never to return to their original shape!

Before going on this trip, I set the intention to continue my wellness lifestyle on the road. It was surprisingly easy.  Here are 7 simple tips I followed that you can too:

1. Drink Lots of Water

I’ve pretty much substituted all drinks on planes and restaurants for water and doubled my consumption. Yes, it means more trips to the ladies’ room BUT it helps keep me hydrated, energized and lessens the jet lag. I brought along some of H-TRIO’s Tea It Up green tea powder for that refreshing change from water. One scoop in water bottle and I’m sold!

2. Skip the Salted Snacks

I purposely skip the salted nuts or pretzels offered on planes since salt can increase swelling. Who needs swollen feet?? And really, the snacks aren’t that good. If I’m going to treat myself, it better taste wonderful. So I brought with me Lara Bars (Love these!) and some cut up veggies for the plane (can’t go without my veggies!)

3. Walk More

Pack runners or comfy walking shoes. Airports are a great place to walk. Take the stairs instead of the escalator or motorized walkways. Every step counts! And then when you arrive, set out to explore on foot. This trip I got to tread through piles of golden leaves on my walks. The fall scenery was stunning!

4. Pack Work-out Gear

I don’t travel without my work-out gear and resistance band. With a resistance band, you can work out anywhere — in a hotel room, gym or a neighbouring park. It’s light and fits in a pocket but can provide a complete workout for many of the body’s major muscles. This trip I got to the hotel gym almost every morning and swam laps in the pool. I also explored the beautiful city filled with hills so got a good workout for my legs.

5. Eat Your Fruit and Veggies

Eating on the road can be tough. It’s easy to start eating more carbs. So take every advantage to eat fruits, salads and other veggies whenever you can. When I arrived in Asheville, first thing I did was go to a local wholefoods market and pick up fresh fruit, berries, and veggies for my room. Or if I’m in a restaurant, I skip the sandwich (or eat it open-faced) and load up on a side salad with chicken or fish.

6. Eat Protein to Curb Cravings

Getting protein throughout the day is key to keep the body’s metabolism fired. Yet, when you travel, it’s sometimes difficult to get lean protein sources that aren’t wrapped in processed, high-fat, or carb-filled creations. That’s where a clean protein powder can come in so handy. A few scoops in a glass of water or almond milk, and you have a great power drink that will curb cravings (so you aren’t raiding the mini-bar in your room).

7. Boost the Immunity

When travelling, you can often get less sleep and be exposed to more germs (particularly on planes). I made sure to give my immune system some extra love with an immune builder from H-TRIO called Kick-It. It’s all natural, fast acting and highly effective at nipping colds before they blossom. As I sat beside a gentlemen on the plane sneezing up a snowstorm, I was so thankful for these wonderful creations. But even if you don’t use an immune builder, just adding extra Vitamin C can help.

Try these tips on your next trip. Let me know how they help. And if you have a tip of your own, please share! There are so many ways to stay well on the road.

Keep Sparkling!
Paula

October 21st, 2011 | Write Comment | Category: Articles · Wellness


Are You A Wait-and-See Kinda Gal?

My husband and I used to take our diddly time to plan our holiday. We’d see a great price on a flight and then both find ourselves saying, “Well let’s wait and see if we should go.” It was this conditioned response  — which ultimately resulted in either not taking the trip or paying more for the flights as we watched the prices climb. Then one day when those words came out of his mouth, I blurted out:

Wait and see for what? What are we waiting for EXACTLY?

I wasn’t yelling at him or me or anyone. I just wanted us to check-in on this behavior that left us nicely wedged on the proverbial fence.

Even today, in leading the Summer Body Bliss, I can notice my tendency to wait and see how the day pans out with eating or exercise. Sometimes it’s great and other times, there’s definitely room for improvement. So I asked myself yesterday, “Why am I waiting to see? What external condition am I waiting for?”

JUST DECIDE LADY!

I invite you to look in your life where you are waiting and seeing. For what exactly? And can you instead just decide to decide?

Make a decision. Act. Then make another decision. Act again.

Too many of us are afraid to make decisions because we fear we’ll make the wrong one.

Well, often times you won’t know if it’s “right” or “wrong” UNTIL you act. Once you act, you unleash a bunch of new energy and new information that you can use for your next decision.

One of the executives I consulted to attributed his success to being able to make decisions quickly. He empowered his direct reports to do the same thing. He said, “Paula, living in limbo land is so stifling to a team (and company). Do your homework, make an educated decision based on the information you have at the time, and then act. Even if the outcome isn’t ideal, move forward with the new information and make the next decision.”

His team accomplished so much and with such empowering energy.

In life, it’s all a guess anyways. We can’t predict exactly how something is going to turn out.

So take a chance, experiment. Decide what the day is about. Then act as if it’s so.

Otherwise that wedge up the butt gets pretty nasty. And the view never changes.

To your sparkling success,
Paula

July 7th, 2011 | 6 Comments | Category: Articles


Who Owns Your Happiness?

Tell everyone you know: “My happiness depends on me, so you’re off the hook.” And then demonstrate it. Be happy, no matter what they’re doing. Practice feeling good, no matter what. And before you know it, you will not give anyone else responsibility for the way you feel — and then, you’ll love them all. Because the only reason you don’t love them, is because you’re using them as your excuse to not feel good. Abraham-Hicks

Last November, I spent the weekend in a hotel by myself. It was the mini vacation (ok, be honest Paula… more like ‘escape’) I needed to get this message loud and clear. Sure I could easily blame others for my (then) unhappiness, poor health, resentment and feelings of overwhelm. It would have been so easy to do that.

But guess what?  That would have kept me stuck. I would have experienced more unhappiness, poor health, resentment and feelings of overwhelm.  It didn’t take me long in that hotel room to get that.  No one can make us happy (at least not long-term…)

We each need to take responsibility for our lives — for our bodies, our emotions, and our actions. Not only do we need to, we want to — it’s the key to a blissful life.

As you go about this week, notice who owns your happiness.

You or someone else? You or a circumstance?  You or the task infront of you? You or the weather? (Ok, I admit… the snow is making me a tad grumpy… I’m ready for warm sunshine!)

And then notice what causes you to ditch your happiness for something less desirable (but obviously more addictive in the moment).

Hmmmm… this is a juicy one. Did I strike a chord with you? I’d love to hear.

Love and giggles,
Paula



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March 28th, 2011 | 7 Comments | Category: Articles · Designing A Life That Sparkles


Are You Sure You Don’t Know?

For the longest time I told myself, “I don’t know what I want. I don’t know where I’m going.” I even made it okay to not know, convincing myself this was some sort of refined state of spiritual allowing.

The truth is… I know what I want. I knew it back then too. I just convinced myself after a few failed attempts that I couldn’t make it happen. My ego took those ‘failures’ so personally. And therefore, in the absence of being able to fulfill THOSE dreams… yes, it’s true… I didn’t know what ELSE I wanted. I didn’t know where ELSE I was going.

That’s an important distinction to make — not knowing versus not being able to see how it’s possible.

I truly believe we all know what we want. If we don’t, it’s because we’ve created a wall between us and whatever it is we want, usually built in fear of failure (or success), or past attempts that didn’t give us the results we wanted. But if we get quiet enough, and truly admit what’s most important to us, the picture of what we want in our lives reveals itself once again.

Watch your language for the next week. Notice where you catch yourself saying, “I don’t know.”

And then ask yourself, “Is it true that I don’t know? Or do I know but just won’t say? Or do I know but just don’t know how to make it a reality?”

Deciphering between these states is such brilliant awareness for moving you forward in places you feel stuck.

P.S. It is okay to truly not know. We don’t have to have life all figured out. In fact, how boring would that be? Just be honest about what you do know for sure. :)

With love,
Paula

March 24th, 2011 | Write Comment | Category: Articles · Designing A Life That Sparkles