There are times I read something and every word hits home. Below was one of those reads. So I invited CJ Blaquera to share her article. It’s from her Vitamin C series, which I LOVED. What is busy costing you? Will you be your own confidante and start telling yourself the truth? Your sparkle depends on it. It’s time to stop the glorification of busy, lean in and hear what your heart has to say. I promise you, it’s juicy! Take it away, CJ…
We do so much to keep ourselves busy, distracted, deserving.
Busy seems good, industrious, useful.
It’s easier to justify your life when you’re busy.
In the absence of an actively aligned life, busy looks important and passes for meaningful. Busy maintains appearances and attempts to keep the emptiness at bay. Tired, busy’s bedfellow, does a good job of this, too. You get by under the radar. No one questions you on the content or the why of your busy-ness, and who can blame you for being tired when you’ve been so dang busy! There’s certainly no time to discuss whether what you’ve been busy with is important or relevant to your life goals. You’ve got to keep busy, moving, doing, achieving.
Sometimes we’re afraid of what we’ll experience if we stop being so damn busy. Will we:
- feel the ache of self-doubt?
- realize it’s time to step up and make a decision or take action?
- realize that we feel empty but aren’t quite sure how to “fill” ourselves?
- figure out that we don’t have a damn clue what our next step is?
If concerns and fears like these are lying below our hectic lives, busy is just doing its job: keeping us distracted from what we don’t want to see or hear.
Busy can also be a means to a different end.
We fill and often cram our workdays, calendars and off-duty hours with so much in a futile and misguided attempt to be good enough. “Look how much I’m dong, busting my hump to get it all done. Have I done enough to earn a gold star? A pat on the head? Some approval for goodness sake! A morsel, at least?!”
Sometimes being busy is just evidence we’ve created in our effort to prove our limiting beliefs true. For example, “Life is a grind” or “I don’t deserve to be happy” or “You have to sacrifice for your dreams” or “Nothing comes easy.” Busy can be used to enforce and prove any of these painful thoughts. Throw in tired, and you’re building a watertight case.
(BTW, your mind is always proving your beliefs true. That’s what your mind does. If you choose a better belief, you could be proving something better true.)
If you’re running from yourself and dizzy from distraction, be still and connect.
Be willing to be candid and tell yourself what you really think and how you really feel. What you deserve is to have your own back and be your own confidante.
Grab a journal, take a long walk, find some quite time. Make space for an honest dialogue with yourself. Have the courage to confide in yourself.
- Tell yourself what you really want to do with your life.
- Tell yourself how you really feel about your relationship.
- Tell yourself whether overeating all those “comfort” foods really is comforting after about three minutes time.
- Tell yourself the limiting beliefs you run into when you think about pursing your passions.
If you’re too afraid to stop being busy, tell yourself that. Tell yourself what you’re really afraid of. If you can’t stand the empty space of un-busy, tell yourself that. Be the compassionate and caring confidante you’ve always wanted.
When you stuff your life with a bunch of busy, you turn your back on yourself. When you won’t give yourself your own attention, you abandon yourself.
Come back to yourself. You need you.
Be your own confidante.